F*ck - now I have to manage my parent’s finances too?
We, Robyn and Eliesa, thought managing our parents' finances would be pretty straightforward. We run businesses, manage households and keep up with the children, so helping Mom and Dad with their money? How hard could it be? As it turns out...very. Opening the books on your parents' finances isn't just about dollars and cents. It's about navigating decades of emotions, difficult conversations, and a whole lot of "Wait... nobody told me this was part of caregiving."
In this episode of The Sandwich Generation Pod, we sat down with Shannon Foreman, founder of Forethought Planning, financial planner, and fellow three-time Sandwich Generation caregiver. (Yes, three times. Frankly, she deserves a medal.) She helped us unpack one of the biggest stressors families face: how to have the money conversation before a crisis forces you to.
Meet Shannon Foreman of the new Forethought Wealth!
Why Talking About Money Feels So Awkward
Money has a funny way of bringing out big emotions. And when you mix money with aging, caregiving, siblings, healthcare decisions, and trying to honor your parents' independence? Well, let's just say it gets complicated!
Our parents have spent decades protecting us, providing for us, and keeping the financial details behind the scenes. So asking questions about bank accounts, retirement savings, insurance policies, or debt can feel very invasive.
It can also make parents feel like they're losing independence.
Shannon shared something during our conversation that we haven't stopped thinking about:
"Just like healthcare requires a good bedside manner, money does too."
That hit us, because this isn't really about spreadsheets. It’s more about trust and seeing the human behind the numbers. Our loved ones have lived full lives, made decisions (for the good or the bad) and in many cases have done their best! It’s really helpful to approach the money conversation with empathy, not all taking-care-of-business.
We find it helpful to start the money conversations little by little. Maybe even sprinkle them in over time, a cup of coffee or a cocktail!
Legacy Isn't Just About Money
This might have been our favorite part of the conversation! When we hear the word legacy, we tend to think about inheritances. For families like ours, there likely won’t be any money left at the end of the day, which can make everyone feel a little insecure or wish they had ‘left more behind.’ Legacy is FAR more than money and while we might know that, Shannon challenged us to think differently.
Legacy is also:
The values our parents pass down.
The conversations we have.
The way our family supports one another.
Artwork, photographs, videos and journals. The nostalgic keepsakes that make our memories live on!
How prepared everyone feels when life inevitably changes.
This perspective helps us feel lighter and proud of what our families have to contribute to a legacy - whatever that means for you!
One of the best things we learned: Medicare Isn't a Long-Term Care Plan
One of the biggest myths Shannon clears up is the difference between Medicare, Medicaid, and long-term care insurance.
Without getting too deep into the weeds (because honestly, nobody wants that), here's the takeaway: Medicare is not designed to pay for long-term care. Which means families often find themselves scrambling to understand their options after a health crisis instead of before one. Planning ahead doesn't eliminate hard decisions, but it gives you more choices. And when you're already juggling kids, work, aging parents, and your own sanity, more choices are a very good thing.
And if the money runs out? Then it gets really tricky, really quickly. Financial and Medical Assistance vary from state to state, so you’ll need to look into whatever programs are available to you. However, in the state of Minnesota, your loved one may qualify for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care. We HIGHLY recommend listening to the following two episodes to dive into the specifics of Medical Assistance:
How can you prepare to manage your parent’s finances for their future?
First, have a conversation with your parents about their wishes and include your loved ones. What does aging look like for them? How do they see it going? What’s important to them in their long term care? How can you support them along the way?
THEN get into the money talk: What do your finances look like? Do you have any funds or benefits set aside in case you need long term care?
Next, you can begin what we like to call ‘The Great Gathering’:
Power of Attorney Paperwork
Estate Planning Documents
Passwords + Account Numbers
Pensions + Social Security
Health Insurance Policies
Life Insurance Policies
Any Additional Assets that hold value
Expenses + Debts
This is all A LOT so don’t feel like you need to tackle this in one day. Gathering this information over time will help you feel prepared to work together on a long term financial plan or even better, bring it to the professionals! One of the biggest takeaways in caregiving is that we need to ask for help! Professionals like Shannon are helping families financially plan beyond the stock market and more inclusive of aging needs!
It’s never too late to start financially planning for the future!
Remember that this also goes for how ever much or little money you have to work with! It’s simply never too late!
Listen to the Full Episode: Listen on Apple or Spotify
Together we cover:
How to start the money conversation with aging parents
Managing caregiving finances without damaging relationships
Medicare vs. Medicaid (in plain English)
Long-term care insurance basics
Why financial planning is part of caregiving
How to think differently about legacy
When it's time to call in professionals
If you’re new here, we cohost a podcast called The Sandwich Generation Pod and along with my friend Robyn Frank. We talk about the realities of raising our young kids alongside caregiving for our aging parents. We invite you to listen and share with anyone you know who this might help!
LOVEe + Robyn
